Marriage:A Beautiful Word With An Ugly Meaning?

One takes certain things for granted. One's family for instance. While assuming it to be an integral part of life we often neglect the importance of having a family that helps us take on life's challenges relatively easily. Because the family is made up of our own people whose concern for our pain is genuine and therefore can soothe an anguished soul as nothing else can. A supportive family is that cushion which helps us absorb the shocks and overcome fears, providing fortitude and confidence in the most trying times.

And if the family can be taken for granted, is it any wonder that marriage, which sustains the family is under tremendous pressure. In addition we hear of same sex marriages and live-in relationships as an acceptable alternative to the hitherto satisfactory traditions of social behaviour. An ever-increasing number of the educated youth have started questioning marriage and are contemplating if marriage has outlived its usefulness.That the youth should think so, and become cynical to this extent in their personal lives is indeed indicative of how much the tolerance levels have drooped these days.

The unwritten law in a normal Indian marriage is that the woman must follow the customs of her husband's family. She is supposed to take his name and in some places even her first name is changed as part of the marriage rituals. Thus every trace of her maiden identity is lost forever. Is it correct for a marriage to be so extremely one-sided where it becomes the holy duty of the woman to make all adjustments?

The late Begum Tara Shervani, who shared excellent relations with her daughters-in-law, once said to me that the tussle in a marriage is no less a fight for power than in high political circles with the two most polarised positions being taken by the mother and the wife of the man. Each one feels insecure of the other! The fact however is that both the wife and the mother have their unique places and thus both are important in their own way. She could not have been more judicious.

The present day increase in divorce rates indicates how fragile marriages (where the partners are called jeevan-saathi!) have become. Any relationship needs time and space to mature. The same is true about a marriage. So much depends on it. And yet since life is not an experiment carried out in a science lab or a theorem proved after research in mathematics, there is no one formula to ensure success in a marriage. Life is beautiful because it is forever changing, and hence individual situations demand individual solutions, which in turn demand a level-headed approach, which in turn demands maturity. The success of a marriage may thus be assumed to lie in patience.

Let us realise that there are no perfect situations in life. After all perfection is one of the virtues of God Almighty, while we mortals have been granted the luxury of being always imperfect. So it is perfectly in accordance with Nature that marriages are imperfect. And it helps to remember that marriage is neither an unending tug-of-war where the parties are constantly pulling on the rope to outdo each other, nor is it an auction where the highest bidder vrooms with the groom.

Certainly there are no such situations in real life where one can end with "...and they lived happily ever after." In the continuity called life you just go on from one situation to another, learning and sometimes unlearning things. And although in a society, there is a proper time and place for things to happen, one should have the liberty to decide upon this most important aspect in one's life, where ideally the decision-making should rest on considerations such as love, compatibility and understanding.

But until this can be achieved, families will continue to crumble as they strive for existence.
And marriage will continue to be a beautiful word with an ugly meaning...

Zohra Javed.

My Shoes Fit Me Best

Going through the daily grind of life, one often feels that others are much better off. The common man usually lives on the hope of surpassing the bounds of his lovliest dreams and reaching the heights of success and glory that no one has ever achieved. Own a house on the moon, bring down the stars to adorn one's beloved...
No limits to the flight of one's fantasies.

The other day a woman running a beauty parlour remarked with some amused irritation that all her clients want their hair styled like Jiah Khan or Aishwarya Rai...they don't look at themselves before making their demands, she said. Very right! On another occassion a woman working as an assitant to a doctor, was watching a daily soap on television as she said longingly, "these women and girls have it so easy...get all decked up with nice clothes and jewellery, mouth the same dialogue over and over in every serial, earn good money...they don't have to wait for the bus or train...they have everything...fame, name...what more could they ask for?" Very right again...or is it really so?
Ask the actors too for their opinion one of these days.

A friend called up to say that she will be coming to Mumbai for the vintage car rally scheduled for the weekend, will be staying at the Taj...and my younger sister said, "How lovely! She'll enjoy so much, meet so many celebrities...the event itself being impregnable by the common man is so prestigious and being invited to it...Oh! How wonderful!!"
(Of course this friend by no means belongs to the "masses" category.)

This got me thinking and I've been wondering if that is all one wants in life. And what could possibly be lacking in the lives of those who have wealth, health, fame and the world at their feet? It is said that only the wearer knows where the shoe bites. So are the Ambanis, the Tatas, the Birlas satisfactorily happy with all their money and immense power? What on earth could be lacking in the lives of the likes of Maharani Gayatri Devi...the likes me would think.

It is quite logical to assume that beauty brings the best of blessings automatically. It may not be an entirely wrong assumption. But at my age and with my experience and observation of people around me I think this is just as big a farce as a mirage on a scorching summer afternoon because this was true all good-looking people would be happily contented in life.
It is also the general belief that one can buy everything with money. Hence money is the most important thing in the world. If this be so, then all the rich should be happy people. But is it really so?

What is then the mantra to be happy? Happiness is essentially a state of one's mind. Also it would be wise to remember that there is nothing absolute out here. Everything is reletive and subject to one's perspective, and a rather interesting irony is that the forbidden friut is supposed to be the sweetest. It is only human to feel that the queue in which I stand for tickets on a railway platform moves the slowest. But we all know that its not really true.

The trick is to not expect favours from others. But try to grab every opportunity that comes our way to make someone happy. One may not always be lauded for such gestures, but the inner satisfaction and happiness it brings makes giving it a try worthwhile. The fact is people often do not choose to be happy. Stop admiring other's shoes and trying fruitlessly getting into them.

I would never like to live anyone else's life. You never know what the other is going through!!!

Zohra Javed.

Hamare Buzurg

I have written on this before, but the fact that senior citizens are our most precious assets seems still a much ignored subject of debate although there are a couple of good messages circulating on the internet in this connection, yet there are issues concerning the aged which need remedial measures specially in the context of the present fast-paced lifestyle where there is hardly any time left to devote to any "non-productive" activity. Every small second is valued in terms of the rupees (often calculated in dollars) earned during that time!

It is quite an irony that in a country like India the young have to be reminded through messages on the net to value their elders before it is too late. In our country where even animals have a place of respect it is a pity that elders should become something of a liability.

This afternoon two volunteers from a reputed NGO visited my place and gave some glaring statistics on the unsympathetic way families treat their elders and among those elderly destitutes the fortunate ones are those who find an obliging Home for the aged to look after them after their families have disowned them in their twilight years.

Do we take our elders for granted ? Have their needs ceased to be a matter of priority for us ? Why cannot we accomodate them in our busy schedules ? It is not always easy to find answers and it also is not always possible to do as much as one would like to do for one's elders, specially one's parents. Another important point is that often individuals like to be in the company of people who share common interests with them and are in a similar age group. I realise this as I see my elders interacting with friends and relatives of their age where they have so much to talk and exchange notes.

But having said this, it is of paramount importance too that our elders don't feel neglected by the younger members in the family. As I also keep repeating very often that in this imperfect world there are no ideal situations, I must admit that one has to work hard to strike a balance in life and list one's priorities with a rather-difficult-to-achieve mix of intelligence and emotion. Let us realise this : one of the biggest luxuries that one can have in life is one's elders...their prayers for our well-being comes for free and from their heart. There is one more luxury that most people don't bother to check on : to have the time to spend with the family (including elders...just include them in your discussions on a holiday and see the contentment on their beautifully wrinkled faces! And its not thereaupetic only for them, often such leisurely exchange of thoughts brings about most unexpected solutions to problems also.)

It is not a bad idea I think to have "clubs for the aged" instead of "homes for the aged". Senior Citizens, like the rest of us, need a family. It is not by their own choice that the aged opt for living in the so called homes for the elderly. They have been part of the progess in the past and cannot be shunned or discarded as "unwanted nobodys" simply because they have retired or become frail. Lets not forget that time and tide wait for no one and time passes very soon when one is young and busy. One often realises with a startle as the time to see the fulfillment of responsibilities dawns and when apparently all duties seem to have been done. Before long then it will be our turn to don the "senior citizens" cap and hence it will be to our advantage if we set the right examples before it is too late for our gen-next to emulate...


Zohra Javed.

Our Priorities

Where are all the open spaces, green patches, public parks and such other common sights that I took for granted in my younger days vanishing? Those that exist are fast turning into garbage-dumping grounds or lie neglected...or still worse are being frequented by stray dogs and secret lovers...at times even people seeking to answer an urgent nature's call!
In these days of health consciousness most of us talk of the importance of fresh air, exercise, healthy diet, saving plants and trees...
But what do we do...
("talking" and "doing" denote different actions...as in preaching and practice, right?!)

Our most preferred health activity is working out in a gym on the latest gadgets and our ideal family outing that can be effeciently and often hurriedly squeezed into an activity-filled weekend is the family going to one of the favourite (or for a change to a newly opened) restaurant or if the children insist, then to a water park...or is shopping at one of the numerous malls the preferred family activity...?

Also if the children can be packed off to "affectionately obliging" grandparents then a couple can even think of going to a movie or a play, followed by a "romantic candle light" dinner where the mind perhaps is busy working out office schedule for the next day.

This sounds really fabulous and looking at the above multiple entertainment options that we seem to have, should our predecessors not envy us?
We have huge malls opening their arms to us:the common people, auto-industry giants manufaturing affordable cars just for us:the common people, international brands in food, clothing and accessories clamouring for our (the common people's) attention...

So on our ideal outing we drive in our branded car, wearing our branded clothes and eat internationally-patronised Chinese, Japnese or Thai food or watch one of the "well-made, technically sound, flawless Hollywood blockbusters".
And do we realise how much we contribute to the increase in pollution and the killing of our own indigenous crafts and cuisine?
Why then do we worry about the vanishing open spaces and modern-day health problems. Aren't we responsible for creating them?!

We are delighted to see a mall come up in our locality as perhaps it automatically announces the development and progress made. We hardly resent the coming up of such symbols of our march towards becoming a global super power. The space that could have been used for a public utility service or for the promotion of our art and culture actually becomes a source of pollution and increased emission of anthropogenic greenhouse gases. But we are oblivious.

The difference between cities and countryside does not exist now in most place. The late Mr.Sunil Dutt had once said that Mumbai to Pune would soon become one vast stretch of human inhabitation and the difference between the two would cease to exist. Even if it was a supposed exaggeration then, there are signs of this prophecy coming true!!

There is no scope for a non-productive activity anywhere on this planet now. Hence leaving open land patches for loose cattle to graze on, or for public parks is such a huge loss to national wealth when all this land as well as the land reclaimed from the sea could be utilised for profit-making activities like building business districts, shopping and residential complexes, expensive international schools and hospitals, state-of-the-art airports, industrial units and such others.

I completely agree that all the aforesaid activities are important to the progress of the people, and there is no denying that we need to develop and look forward. But is it necessary to allot agricultural land also to so called more profit-making activities? There has to be a balance in our activities only then can they result in sustainable and humane progress that would bring about better living conditions in the true sense.

So before we loose every little open space to an ever-hogging concrete jungle and profit-thirsty business tycoons, lets wake up and do the needful.


Zohra Javed.

Government of the people, By the people, For the people

Sounds familiar. Government of the people, by the people, for the people...Heard it before?
Yes many times.
In the school it seemed easy to learn. Had never heard such intelligent play of words. It was literally poetic! But it was not poetry.
It was the most popular definition of democracy.

Then slowly the meaning dawned and made me ever so proud to be an Indian. I awaited my eighteenth birthday with eagerness much similar to that of a child who feels that the moon is within his reach...Oh! how powerful I would then become. I'll be able to vote and choose my representative in the government. The feeling was supremely intoxicating.

And I think a majority of my country-men think the way I thought then. Therefore we are more than happy making the most of the holiday that we get to cast our vote. The trip to the polling booth is quite similar to one of the family joy rides and the whole process, at least as I have witnessed it, is like a school fun-fare...people dressed in better if not their best clothes, pressing a button on the EVMs in privacy and then coming out to mingle with the crowd. After all its a great opportunity to find most of one's neighbours!

And days later watching the results on television channels, which again is no less than a hugely popular entertainment show!

So when I read about Salwa Judum, Naxals, Maoists, farmer suicides, Islamic and Hindu terrorism and much more I am not able to see any connection between my sweet dreams and the bitter reality.

A government that I choose cannot be abusive to me, how can the State and its administrative agencies be unjust, how can the Police kill innocent people, how can the Judiciary be indifferent to the plight of the common man...?
How can I go on being mechanically normal when so much suffering, injustice and inequality surround me...?
I think I am truly intoxicated by the Power of my Vote and so I don't even feel the pinch when I am cheated with so much blatant violation of human rights and abuse of power by those whom we the voters have empowered.


Zohra Javed.

Burqa: Prison Or Protection

My earliest memories of the burqua are indeed as ancient as me myself! In my native place all the women in the family wore burqua...the black all-covering garment under which if they wore nothing else no one would ever know!
My late father had left his home town in search of a better future and landed in the then Bombay almost immediately after his engineering. His postings took him to some of the most beautiful hill spots in Maharashtra and all the employees of the company posted at one particular place lived with their families at the company's residential colonies built near the work sites.
That was an out of the blue experience for my mother who does have an interestingly vivid memory of how difficult it was for her in the beginning to do away with the burqa.

The reason I have recounted this is to emphasise one greatly overlooked reality in the debate over the burqa / hijab issue, and that is this: burqa in most cases is a "family tradition" that inadvertently became a habit obviously as it got passed down the generations.
Hence it must be noted with clarity that there is no love of God or making a choice involved here.

I have been hearing this since childhood that Islam is more about intent: to become a good , God-fearing human being rather than peripheral rituals that change from place to place and culture to culture.
When for instance one is praying to God Almighty , its actually the connection with the Supreme Creator that is at the center of it all.
The way one prays could be of lesser consequence , but a certain manner has evolved logically for the sake of uniformity ... and perhaps even the health benefits one can reap from the exercise.

After the French and the US presidents giving their verdict on the burqa, and even before that , various interpretations of the Qur'an have been doing rounds, each one claiming to being authentic and well-researched. So we now hear that burqa was meant as a respectful covering for the prophet's (peace be upon him) women. The others were supposed to be modest (and decent) in the manner they dressed and carried themselves. But this divine message for modesty was applicable to both men and women.

To my great amusement I find men very vehement in their fight for the female "modesty and rights" in choosing to wear the burqa, but sadly their voices seem to choke when it comes to family planning, triple talaq, a widow's right to the guardianship of her minor children and such other matters.

Yes, indeed women must have the right to choose, as some benevolent men are suggesting in the context of hijab/burqa. President Sarkozy's diktat is being equated to Talibanisation of cultures that has taken place in some parts of Asia in the recent past.
President Obama has taken a middle ground on the whole issue, saying US does not dictate to people what they should wear.

The point is: these gentlemen, Sarkozy and Obama, and all those who comprise the Taliban, are they religious or even humane representatives of the oppressed people ... in this case the "religiously imprisoned women"?

I think it will be worthwhile to note that they are all politically motivated power-hungry people. Just like Taliban cannot be deemed to be friends of Islam for what they are doing, Sarkozy cannot be pronounced an enemy of Islam.
They know it, like we all can understand too, that it is essentially none of their business whether a woman wears or shuns a burqa.

Also like it or not, and forgive my bluntness here, the fact is that the burqa has of late become more of a fashion statement used by the dollar-and-dinar-rich kitty-party kinds who can spend fortunes on clothes and accessories (remember wasteful extravagant expenditure is prohibited in Islam), burqa being a recent addition as a "religious" adjunct.

At the heart of my debate is the basic right of a woman to choose ... to be able to use her intelligence ... like my mother: when she got a choice, she stopped wearing the burqa, and I think most of the truly liberated women would do the same if their minds are not filled with the fear of "Allah's wrath" falling upon them and the fire in hell burning the "exposed" portions of their bodies...
I wonder why we do not hear any such diktat in the context of men?


Zohra Javed

Archies and Barbies

Sometime back in a fashion show Bollywood star Katrina Kaif walked the ramp dressed up like Barbie.
Hitting headlines in major fashion circles, it achieved what was expected: Huge popularity.

But ridiculous as it may sound to some cynics, this was not enough.
It also started a series of comparison between Katrina and Aishwarya.
Magazine section of a major newspaper "informed" readers how the younger-looking Katrina was more Barbie-like.
Can't say how this affected the graph of Barbie sale figures in India.
Or for that matter Aishwarya's market as one of the top ranking Bollwood leading ladies.
But it actually is consolidating a trend that is stealthily in the process of grounding itself unnoticed but decisively firm as an acceptable way of life.

In this world of Barbies, could Archie be far behind?
Recently there was an article analyzing behavioural patterns among the youth on the basis of the "fact" that comic strip character Archie has (after sixty eight years of existence!) popped "the question" to Veronica instead of Betty.
The results of the research on human behaviour it seems points out that men (represented by Archie!) now like the so called bad girls (represented by Veronica ?!!! )

Honestly I would have laughed off this comical clumsy "analysis" had it not been put forward as something that is really happening.
Fictitious comic characters now becoming the established standards of judging behavioural attitudes among real human beings?
Yes! Preferences do count in a research.

Popularizing an Archie or a Barbie as a sales promotion strategy may be fine. But to take these characters so seriously indicates serious bankruptcy of thought.
The idea perhaps is to dull and numb the senses of the youth so that they don't ask questions.
In all probability they are being trained to become brutally selfish, blandly robotic and callously intoxicated by materialism.
Is it any wonder then that living such a superficial life, there is going to be a future generation who would become emotionally impaired and far too dependent on hollow materialism.

The Barbies and Archies of the world are essentially urban characters, who anyway do not constitute the majority. Has anyone given a thought to what life is like for the tribal youth living in forests ?
How many of us even have an idea about the difficult lives of that portion of the Indian population which lives in rural India and is deprived of even as basic a necessity as water?

How many of us have heard of  those who eat lot of chillies not to impress a girlfriend, but to cause a burning in the stomach so as to forget the pangs of hunger for some time??
And what about them who are caught between State and local terror outfits???
They are all real human beings, and they are also Indian citizens.
But they are not wrapped in glamour, hence not attractive to the common urban Indian.

One political party gave the slogan "India Shining" another declared that its "Haath" was "Aam aadmi ke saath"! But that's about it.
Our double standards have become increasingly stark and stridently visible. We shout on top of our voices how India is the next super power of the world (Karan Johar even has Preeti Zinta calling a white woman "Kameeni"in his film "Kal ho na ho"!) but in the same breath everything foreign is divine and Mr.Johar as also the Chopras shoot most of their film sequences in their adopted Motherlands.

Urban India now has a global culture where we eat, drink, sleep, socialise, shop, love, live, talk, laugh...in short do everything as per global attitudes dictated by the Barbies and Archies.
So where is the time to "think"?
Barbies and Archies don't "think". They just "have fun"
How fascinating this sounds to people whose faculties of understanding are glamourously moronic.

Should this intrusion in our private lives go on? Or should we pause and take stock before it is too late?
The question is what we want our children to become?
I think it is an important question...more important than which religion is perfect or whether sex education should be imparted in schools...so the sooner we debate it the better it will be in the interest of our children.

Jamila

May 5, 2003 was quite usual. I will not dramatise by saying I had a premonition earlier in the day. In fact it came as a shock to me when I heard of Jamila`s death.

Jamila is the girl whom I had known for the last twenty five years. The little girl went to school in the same bus as me and we often returned by the same bus too, although she went to an Urdu medium school while I went to an English medium one.

Jamila, the girl who came to my house very often with her mother and tried to hide her bulk behind her short and thin mother the moment she saw my father!
She was much younger to me and hence was not exactly a friend, but gradually became close to my heart as I saw her grow up from a little girl into a mature and thoughtful woman. I remember having once presented her a banarsi silk sari. As she touched the rich green fabric a twinkle in her big black eyes was far too prominent to be missed...the glow emitting from the fire of her dreams, may be, for she was a very sensitive girl. She was ever so calm with a serene smile on her lips. Her slightly darkish complexion was flawless and had an attractive shimmer about it while her eyes shone like two bright stars. She was always neatly dressed, her long thick black hair glistening and mostly plaited in two with a silk ribbon each at the end.

Like any other middle class Indian household where girls are taught to be good wives, mothers and daughters-in-law, Jamila was also trained to be a proficient homemaker. But her efficiency in every household chore could not hide the limp in her leg, which stood out as the most cruel hurdle between Jamila and her bright future...because future of an Indian girl is deemed to be bright only if she finds a husband before crossing her last teen year. That is supposed to be the right age for getting rid...sorry...marrying off daughters.

Jamila's parents went about patiently trying to find a man who would be an understanding life partner to their only daughter. But for the poor couple this search turned out to be dragging and frustrating. However, finally as Jamila`s father promised to gift the boy some expensive items, his sister`s son agreed to marry Jamila.

A marriage solemnised on the principles of greed can hardly be the sacred bond that marriage is supposed to be, and how long can the fantasy last? Jamila was a woman with tremendous self respect. She was humiliated every time she put her husband`s list of demands before her father, which accompanied her as a precondition to her visit to her parents` house. But she kept a brave face. Although her mother-in-law`s atrocities and her husband`s indifference were no more a secret Jamila had a smile albeit a sad one but perhaps the only way of reassuring her parents that she was happy.
With four children and a lot of extreme agony later Jamila was a defeated person as she did her best to cope up with an apathetic mother and son combination. Away from the loving care of her family her eyes began to lose much of their lustre and hair began to fall. Her smile faded and the glow on her face gave way to a pale shade to her complexion...but no one seemed to care.

The harsh fact is that she had no rights. And on May 5 2003 she died a painful death battling blood cancer which was detected after it had done all the possible damage because it was then that she was taken to a doctor who gave her just a week`s time in this world.

Sounds familiar? A young girl falling prey to blood thirsty in-laws and unconcerned husband? This can be compared to the more visible form of violence against women like burning and beating. But the question is do so many young female lives need to be sacrificed at the altar of a relationship based on inhuman desires? Today when some women organisations are trying to get 33% reservation for women in Parliament our heads should hang in shame when a Jamila dies the way she did. Dr Najma Heptulla observed that women were not safe even in high esteem offices like the Uttar Pradesh Vidhan Sabha. Quoting the infamous violence in the UP assembly she said she was ashamed by the incident. I would like to add here that many times women are not safe even in their own houses.

Every religion in India has apparently accorded enviably respectful places to women. But needless to say these theories are paradoxically being used increasingly to exploit and malign women. The fact that majority of the women remain oppressed and have no right to basic self respect cannot be denied. Most women do not have any say in decision making and are made to live like the worst kind of bonded labourers.

Having said all this it is pertinent to find the cause of the problem and possible solutions too. Can the blame be put entirely on the husband and his family? Are they the sole perpetrators of injustice against women? When do we stop treating girls like a heap of dirt? An unwanted burden that must be off loaded at the very first opportunity?

I think a deeper soul searching and an honest analysis of this serious problem is now a must and it has to be taken up by women themselves. One very important aspect that has thus far been neglected is the role of parents. It has been taken for granted that their helplessness in the custom ridden society cannot be questioned. How can parents ever think of harming their off springs? On the contrary they put themselves through hardships so that their children may live blissfully. Therefore any remote suggestion that for what their daughter goes through the parents may be at fault too seems totally devoid of compassion.

Yet a need for all of us to boldly face facts and take some hard decisions in the interest of our daughters has never been more urgent. Let us look into the most glaring irony in the life of an Indian girl. From the time she learns to walk and talk, much before she can appreciate the complexities of relationships she is told that her parents` house is not her own. She is goaded and coaxed with so called great values until she starts believing in them. She is taught to place her husband`s desires before her own. She is trained to live for the happiness of her husband. She is brainwashed into accepting that life without marriage and motherhood is useless. She is told the tales of sacrifices and silent suffering of females in the family that actually glorify myths which a young adolecent mind takes to be true. Thus lives for majority of the girls in India start in extreme insecurity.

Could Jamila be saved had her parents not pushed her into a suffocating alliance? Instead of bogging down young vulnerable girls with miserable responsibilities should they not be given opportunity to develop? Each one of us has something special. It has to be recognised and developed. Many Jamilas have laid down their lives prematurely so that their parents can hold their heads high. In a society where desirability of a woman is measured in terms of how soon she gets married and has children, can there be any hope for respite for women?

The sacrifice of Jamila and others like her must be respected and the only way to do it is to make girls more confident and financially independent. They should not live in fear of becoming homeless. Marriage is important and sacred, but it should not be the only goal in a female life and although customs and traditions have evolved considering many aspects including proper time and place, they must be continuously reviewed and updated for obvious reasons. Marriage should be a happy sharing of this wonderful journey of life between two people, none of whom should feel overpowered by the other. The importance of a mother in building a strong and worthy next generation cannot be minimised as was remarked by a very knowledgeable person, "when you educate a man you educate an individual, but when a woman is educated an entire family is educated." «

Zohra Javed

Michael Jackson's death: Was I shocked or Saddened?!

I usually do not have time in the mornings to watch television, not even the news. But Friday, 26th June 2009 was rather lazy and sleepy.
Rains had come after a long and eager wait and there was much relief in the air, which tempted me to indulge in a luxurious nap that could partly make up for some of the sleep lost on hot sultry nights. But the maid could knock any time now and I could not afford to be sleepy at that hour of the day. To keep myself awake and alert I decided to switch on the TV and go in for one extra cup of tea.

As the television screen lit up with images, the news of the death of "The King Of Pop" at first did not get down to my lethargic mind. It was only after a while that some of it started making sense.

Was I shocked or Saddened?!

Honestly I still don't know.

But as the clips from the concerts and interviews of the phenomenally popular Michael Jackson were being played out, I felt nauseated. All of the rumors that were a part of his existence gripped me tight. Some said he was a child abuser, some said he had converted to Islam, yet some others said he was homosexual. But equally publicized and sensationalized were his two marriages and three children.

So it was always a certain kind of mystery that Michael Jackson lived with. His plastic surgeries, his dancing, his singing...in fact everything that he did made great news and above all it sold even faster than the legendary hot cross buns. And who doesn't fancy a cash minting machine that can also walk, talk, compose music and sing ?!

It is said that his Mumbai concert tickets sold for anywhere between 10,000 to 20,000 rupees!

Some months back I read on an internet site that Michael Jackson was suffering from an incurable disease. My heart sank as I saw the picture accompanying the text. It was so much in contrast to the vibrant and lively pictures from the exuberant and energetic performances of the sensational star. It was unbelievable that someone so enthusiastic could be suffering so much pain. But a little later one heard of his come-back. It was said that this immensely popular entertainer was to perform in London next month (and now we also know that millions had already bought the tickets to see their idol back in action.)

Everything seemed satisfactorily back in place.

But on this rain-soaked Friday morning television news channels had this devastating headline:Michael Jackson is dead!

And one would hope that also dead are all the rumours and controversies surrounding him...at least a dead man deserves that much grace. But it is not going to be so easy for the controversies to die. His death, like his life is shrouded in mystery with his family demanding a second autopsy and the possibility of a drug over-dose doing the rounds.

He perhaps played dangerously with life. From his humble beginning he rose to rule the hearts of millions. There was surely something very endearingly enigmatic about him. It was not only the young that went crazy with his music, he had charmed people from all classes across the continents.

Regrettably I never had an ear for pop music and hence never tried to understand what he sang, the music that he played or the dance that accompanied his singing, and thought it exorbitantly wasteful to spend such astronomical amount of money (which is often more than an entire family's monthly income in countries like India) to see a man like Michael Jackson perform.

And then there are more like me who think his death has been hyped too much by the media as someone pointed out as to why is so much space being given to an entertainer, who we all know was not exactly a worthy figure, while people don't even know or care that a great thinker of the last century, Giovanni Arrighi, died on the 18th of June? Undoubtedly, Giovanni Arrighi was a great scholar of political economy and sociology, but was sadly neither a celebrity nor an entertainer.

I think this is one of the ironies of the age we are living in that great thinkers and scholars are not celebrities, and hence not many know about them nor is the measure of loss calculated ever to understand their worth and mourn their loss.
But death as they say is a great equalizer and let us not compare because obviously there is no ground for any such possibility. It is for the people to think whose contribution to humanity was more valuable.

May the departed souls of both Arrighi and Jackson rest in peace.

Zohra Javed

A Must See Film: "Khuda Ke Liye"

Everything a good believer does is in the name of religion...to keep Almighty God happy...or so we are made to believe.

Hence to save a Msajid (or Mandir) is thought to be more sacred than saving a life. And can there be a bigger irony than making murder in the name of God divine and justifying every cruelty to be right in the name of religion.
How much more are we going to misunderstand our religious teachings ?!

Religion is there to make us good human beings, but all it has ended up making is a brutal political system that is mercilessly patriarchal.
"Khuda Ke Liye" questions such fanatic mindset very strongly.

"Khuda Ke Liye" is in my opinion the best film made so far on the subject it explores. It is candid and courageous, yet entertaining and beautiful like a good piece of poetry.

A must see for every true believer.
And a must see for those confused minds torn between right and wrong.

Very few people have the courage to question a tradition which is backed by religion. Even if it is wrong. People tend to accept it or be silent onlookers mainly for the fear of failure in their attempt to bring about an awakening. Therefore those who show the fortitude of rising above stagnant and rotten social customs being followed in the name of religion must be respected and encouraged.

Zohra Javed.

I think I saw God...!!!

The piercingly chilly winter evening grew a shade darker as the clouds that had shadowed the mighty sun all day hovered low threatening to burst any time...

It was time for the Maghrib namaz (prayers after sunset). I tightened my shawl over my woolen garments and prepared to bow my head before the Almighty.
Just then someone opened the iron gate outside.
And minutes later the hesitant and meek, yet strangely melodious voice calling “Didi!” came through crystal clear.
It was the biscuitwali.

“Did she not know it was prayer time for Muslims?” I thought irritatedly.
Perhaps, she didn’t. She was not a Muslim.
Okay .
But I still felt irritated.
I did not expect visitors , leave alone a salesperson come knocking at that time

So, I told my younger son to buy some biscuits from her and ensure that I wasn’t disturbed.

It was prayer time after all !!!

The biscuitwali had by now taken a seat as usual in the verandah outside, while I prayed in the warmth of my room that separated it by a single wall.
My son made the purchases, and paid her the money, but through all this I could hear her cough almost incessantly.

Even as I prayed, she seemed to come alive before me suddenly.
Her fair face, like a mass of bones; her large, protruding eyes taking up most of her face; pale lips, usually dry with fatigue; the rest of the body unceremoniously draped in an ordinary cotton sari, and weighed down by the weight of the worn-out bags filled with packets of biscuits hanging wearily on both her shoulder.

My conscience stirred and I felt shaken up.
Was my prayer really worth anything?
At once, I took a break from the namaz and went out in the verandah

She smiled and greeted me as usual. I was so ashamed of myself.
There she was, wearing a semi-woolen stole, barely covering her shoulders and a little more, fighting the biting winter outside with the dwindling fire of courage within her. While I, with all the privileges that God has thankfully blessed me with, had moments before complained of her intrusion with my prayer ...

The purchases had been made, so she was preparing to leave.

But I asked her to wait
Gave her some hot tea and gifted her a shawl that I had bought a few days ago from some Kashmiri boys who did the rounds every winter.
She was speechless with gratitude.

God manifests Himself in many ways. No one has really seen Him. Yet He is omnipresent.

And for me He had just appeared ... !!!

I think The Almighty came down in the form of The Biscuitwali to accept my prayer

This was a hair-raising thought that has left me enriched overwhelmed and grateful for all times to come 💝

Of "Holy Cows" And "Cattle Class"

The austerity issue of the Congress is becoming a bit of a joke. Shashi Tharoor's remarks are being blown out of proportion and they have become more the subject of hilarious repartees on social networking sites. This in itself shows how hollow and shallow this "austerity drive" really is. There are people who want Tharoor thrown out of the ministery for having used the "objectionable" words like "holy cows" and "cattle class" in the context of the Congress leaders and the common man. The Congress itself is perhaps in a dilemma over the stand it should take, so the party spokesman says they will take "proper action at a proper time."

What are we supposed to believe? That our netas have become suddenly concerned with the tax payer's money and have decided to use it for the good of the masses by travelling economy class and not staying in the plush five and seven star hotels? What an eyewash!

All this love for the Aam Aadmi seems to have bloomed and blossomed while the prices of necessities of life are sky-rocketing. So while the netas sacrifice their luxuries and save precious govenment money, the Aam Aadmi continues to go hungry and nothing really changes for him on the ground. It is a shame for a nation claiming to be one of the fastest growing ones to not be able to provide its citizens with as basic necessities of life as food and water.

Congress it seems has taken its 2009 election victory to its head. The arrogance that comes with power can be seen spilling all over. The Party would do well to come to terms with facts rather than dwell on fiction. There is no austerity without accountability. It will be a good idea to do something practical to curb corruption by fixing responsibilities, setting deadlines and getting a code of conduct in place for everyone from top to bottom.

There are also those innocent souls who feel that the younger generation of politicians has a much better vision for the growth of the nation. They have dreams for India. They can steer the country to a better tomorrow. Indeed how good this sounds. But look at the veteran leaders of today. They were also young once upon a time. They also seemingly had a vision, but look at how things stand completely messed up today. And the younger generation comes from the same families in the same positions. Rahul Gandhi, Sachin Pilot, Jyotiraditya Scindia, Jitin Prasada, Omer Abdullah, and others (some still in the making), all occupying their fathers' chairs and taking their grandparents' agenda forward.

While I have very little knowledge about Mr.Tharoor's integrity as an honest politician, I think his reference to Aam Aadmi as "cattle class" is not at all objectionable. In fact sometimes the Aam Aadmi is more worse off. Also more seriously I think our double standards stretch strangely and disproportionately. Consider this: We call dogs our best friends, but then abuse someone by calling him a dog. We descend from monkeys (or so some would believe!), but calling someone a monkey is racist. We worship cows, but suddenly saying 'cattle class' is derogatory.

Politicians would go to any lengths to confuse people and block every little effort of people asking for their rights to food, employment, health care, education and such other human interest issues. Hence sometimes it is religion and sometimes such stupid controversies that take up print and electronic media space to work up peoples' emotions and stifle important humanitarian issues. I feel lets leave this 'cattle class' issue behind and see how these austerity measures may have an impact or not on the overall governance and the people of this country.


Zohra Javed

Shutting PDS ?

PDS (Public Distribution System) is not functioning well and hence the government is now contemplating replacing it with a cash distribution system instead of ration in the form of subsidized wheat and rice. The amount to be distributed under this scheme will be calculated on the basis of the quantity of rice and wheat that a family is entitled multiplied by the cost/kg of the grains. This the proponents of the so called reform claim will reduce corruption and ensure better functioning of the system.
I wonder how!

First of all the prices are never stable. At any given time the amount calculated is likely to become insufficient in future. Hence this would ideally require constant monitoring and updating the amount of money to be distributed.
Also there is every possibility that this money may not be spent on food.
The biggest problem still is how does one rest assured that corruption would be effectively checked.

It is very difficult for people sitting in air conditioned homes and offices to imagine that there are human beings elsewhere whose biggest problem is putting their children to sleep. When their child is too small they often intoxicate the child so that he would not ask to be fed. But when he/she grows up, it is very difficult to put a hungry child to sleep.

Often the entire family goes food-searching. They search for grains that fall in the fields and grain by grain gather as much as they can. In villages near big and small cities left overs from hotels and restaurants is taken and served to the hungry. This is the kind of dignity the poor get in a democratic set up as they and their children suffer and die of malnutrition and poor farmers commit suicides.

Instead of working out solutions to run the PDS efficiently by making officers responsible and accountable, and even increasing the benefits the poor get from the system, the government is thinking of shutting down a dwindling lifeline of the poor. The poor will get cash instead of ration. As if one is very sure this will solve the problem of corruption that does not spare even those dying of malnutrition and hunger. What is the surety that the cash meant to be so distributed would reach the poor?

Zohra Javed.