Saturday, December 29, 2012

Learning Lessons

I've been so baffled over these past days hearing and reading so much that I wonder what makes sense and what does not.....and if at all anyone can ever drive some sense into people who have such wierd notions about human beings and about life itself..... the perpetrators of violence of any kind need to be brought to book....can there be a system where humaneness be injected into people's minds....I wish there was a way to do that......

This ghastly and absolutely numbing crime  is not a single-point issue.....there is much more to it and I completely agree that the instant politicisation of any social issue ensures that the debates become cynical, and I daresay a lot more glamourous too....look at the panelists on various news channels....I just can't tolerate even one of them ........... and their shallow talk and indifferent lip service  comes across as so totally outrageous and insulting to the masses who suffer because our legal system is unfortunately perpetrator-friendly.....it may sound strange and ridiculous to those who have not had a brush with it....but those in the field know how atrocious it can be when the victim has to go all out to prove that he/she is indeed the victim while the criminals are not not pronounced criminals until proven guilty, which may take years considering the manner in which our  courts work. 

It is not just this one case where such a heinous crime has been commited so brutally.  Today it is Delhi that is being termed  the Rape Capital...... Do we remember Gujarat? Rape as a war-weapon has been tolerated and even encouraged.....in times of communal riots it has the sanction of religious/political powers.

And is anyone going to talk about female foeticide when it comes to talking about crime against women.....? and the dowry deaths....?
These are not isolated issues.....they are all related to the dignity of women and they have all taken a hugely inhuman  toll on female lives.

I'd like to add that while laws need to be strict, no law is useful if implementation is slack.....also in comparison changing laws is easier than changing a mindset.......and we all know harsh laws don't change mindsets........ also if a junior officer is at fault, his senior should be taken to task too........ most of the time subordinates are at fault because  they know their seniors are corrupt and will not penalise them

The balme game is and age-old game and we all seem to play it well . Let us stop searching for scape-goats to bear our guilt.

And on second thought I wonder if it is so difficult for parents to teach their children good values........what kind of parents would like their children to go through legal procdures and punishments to learn values in life...............
Like it or not, admit it or ignore it but the fact will not change unless we do something about it. 
And that most regrettable fact is that we have a culture of glorifying violence. We have a mindset where even a drive to educate the masses to get their children vaccinated is termed as a war (against that particular disease)
It would be to our long-term advantage to come out of this ailing primitive mindset and realise that violence is not a solution. 

Do we realise that it is this insensitive barbaric mindset that led to the loss of an innocent life. So suddenly everything has changed for the family of a young girl who never had suspected what lay in store for her when she stepped out of her house that day......

Indeed  parents as well as teachers have to honestly share the responsibility as to how an adult shapes up.....laws and courts are very torturous....those who have gone there would know how inhuman the system is and something certainly needs to be done to make the system more accountable
We also heard some people argue that after all, the politicians, the police force, the judiciary and others who make the system work, come from among us......and  so I once again ask this one question more emphatically:
"Does it not become important to emphasise on introspective social changes too while we demand a more accountable police and judiciary?"

In all as I said above it is a baffling situation and a lot of things need to be taken together to bring about a solution
But to begin with, parents can start better.....and set an example

Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Best Tribute

"Aaj ki hansti-muskuraati khushiyon mein aksar kahiin kal ke kisi gham ki mehekti yaadein mil jaati hain......"

 I was not waiting for a formal invitation card. Am not so fastidious with family celebrations. A casual call  asking me to join in is enough.....and that had come more than a month ago. Hence I was prepared. Delhi in December has always been beautiful, inviting, tempting..........

Yesterday afternoon the card also came.
There was something unexpected about it which  shook my heart and  blew off that layer of dust which was  shielding a bunch of memories for quite a while now. I had even tucked away in an unknown corner of the house that one  very  poignant photograph which reminded me of her.

She was not someone I knew personally. I had never seen her except  in the pictures. And  was I thankful for that.....
Yes ! In a way I was.
I think a person gives a part of himself / herself to you when they meet you. So had I seen her in person the memories would certainly have been far more difficult to fade away......

The first time I heard about her illness was at a cousin's place in Lucknow. She was then in her teens.  I never gave much thought to the news.  What   serious  problem  could there be with a normally growing up girl...... some people have this habit of making mountains out of a molehill  I thought .........................
Besides Her Family had access to  world class medical care .....so  if at all there was a problem that needed special treatment  it could be  taken care of by  the  most expensive and the very best on this planet.....
In the worst of my  nightmares too  I could never have dreamt of the actual state of her disease..... I had no idea that the reality she was putting up with at that tender age  was  distressingly shattering.......
 Her Story was therefore out of my system  at the first opportunity.

I got a real taste of its seriousness when things  were coming to an end for this young  girl, who would have turned eighteen had she lived a few more months.......
I felt a chill run down my spine as the realisation came.....her ailment  was incurable

My couisn's daughter  had come to Allahabad for an entrance exam. She was restless. Genuinely concerned about something , she had a worried look on her face and kept repeating that she should not have come.....What if something happened to her best friend....
"Zohra Khalaa ! She wants  me to be with her..... I think she feels lonely without me......she talks to me about everything ......perhpas she wants to still tell me so many things.....but this exam.....I  could not miss.... so I had to come...."
And then a little later she would call her friend's mother, talk for a while, cry in a solitary room, come out and mutter  "I wish nothing happens to her...."

"Nothing" happened to her ......except that till my cousin's daughter got back to Delhi, her best friend had  slipped into a coma......
All those things that she might have wished to share also slipped into oblivion......

And after some days she was gone forever.......

Goes without saying that my cousin and her daughter earnestly stood by  the bereaved family in those most trying  days....  in those hours  that refused to budge.................. in those minutes that just would not tick away.............
I also went for the Condolence Prayer Meet which was held for a soul that was so spotlessly pure , for a body that hardly got time enough to commit sins.....

My cousin's daughter could think and talk of no one but her best friend . She took us to her grave. We said a prayer  for the peace of a soul that must have been happy to have left a body which was needlessly experiencing so much pain and despair . At the graveyard the care-taker informed us that he had seen my cousin's daughter so many times sitting there and weeping.

We were now worried for her.
The loss of her dearest friend had immensely devastated her . And what was more disturbing was that she was  letting herself sink  into a bottomless ocean of pain and an extreme sense of loss. She could be  slipping into severe depression

Her parents surely had to work very patiently with her . Convincing her to leave Delhi....even leave India for a while..... and go abroad for further studies was not easy.
She would not hear of it...... "leaving her friend" one more time ......No....Never....!!
"I can't go......I can't leave her this time........"
She would blurt out passionately.

But finally she did go ....... and immersed herself in a new world.
Day, weeks, months......
Time passed.........

Now my cousin's daughter is getting married.
The Card  reminded me of  the amazing bond that she and her best friend shared ........... I think her best friend's parents are paying the richest tribute to this absolutely divine closeness between these two girls ......and  their gesture has  touched the deepest corner of my heart

My cousin's daughter's  Nikaah is to be solemnised at her best friend's parents' home.......