Friday, June 21, 2013

Allah Ka Shukr Hai

"Allah Ka Shukr hai"
The doctor  said with a wide  smile the moment he looked at my mother.

We had taken her for a follow up examination  after about a week of her return from the hospital. She had suffered  two heart attacks in less than two months.


As he began examining her , the doctor began to  casually chat with us  , informing us that  even when Mummy was in the Cardiac Care Unit of the hospital , with so many tubes and monitors  attached to her body  she would never speak of any discomfort.
Every time  he asked her :
"How are you feeling?"
Mummy always replied :
"Allah ka shukr hai.... "

Indeed that is how Mummy is . Always thankful to God for whatever He has blessed her with.
She keeps telling us that those who don't trust God in the true sense fall prey to worldly tensions.

At 77 years , it is hardly any wonder that her face is a collage of emotions .
And that intricate network of broken lines on her face ..... they aare not wrinkles ........ they are stories written by God
I often wonder how many storms lie beneath this deep serene ocean .....

Even the oceans flare up at times and send back ravaging tsunami , but my mother's heart is immeaurably huge and accomodating it seems ......

I really don't want to open the book of her life here , for the obvious reason that it is too much her own and completely her personal belonging . And also because there may be so many chapters which have never been opened to me ..... not because she wanted to keep secrets from me , but because she never wants to bother us siblings with some of her very personal concerns.
Although I do not agree with her on this, there is not much that I can do to change her .... not now , or ever before .....

It is very good to be grateful to God in all situations of life , and I also agree that life is so full of ups and downs .
There is heart break  , there is disease, there is mistrust , there is betrayal , there is depression , there is selfishnesss , there is cruelty , there is helplessness ..... and much more ........


But it is not good to keep your pain to yourself when God has blessed you with a family  that cares.
I think a family of a husband , wife and their children , how much ever big it may be is still too small for each one of them to not know everything about  one another. But often we fear hurting our  dearest ones and hence keep our pains to ourselves , sharing only  happiness .
This honestly is not fair  because in doing so , with all our good intentions ,  we actually end up deceiving people who love us unconditionally .


Coming back to Mummy , her doctor always has a compliment for her :
"My best and happiest patient"
She has "taught" even the most deadpan among  her team of doctors to smile and laugh when they see her .

But I think as the body weakens with age , the under currents of her concerns and worries become rather  resentful  at being constantly pushed down to a remote  unimportant corner .
They throw themselve up in a deleterious tsunami-like attack when the heart can hold the pain within itself no more ..........
Allah ka Shukr hai , she's pulled through them .....
Fingers crossed for the future

Monday, June 17, 2013

Conscience Pricks me .......... ???

I was expecting some guests yesterday and being the lazy woman that I am , thought of getting some idli-sambhar from a popular restaurant near my place instead of slogging in the kitchen on a beautiful rainy morning.

The  weather looked so wonderful that the idea of getting soaked in the rain was too tempting to  be ignored ... so I walked down to the restaurant , placed my order and waited for the parcel to come

There among the innumerable cars and a rush of customers coming in and going out of the restaurant was this woman looking dark , water dripping from all over her as she stood under the open sky , rain lashing at her mercilessly

I asked the man at the counter to give her a cup of tea and a plate of idli sambhar .
Till then all was fine.

But the moment I asked her to come inside , I was told very firmly that she could not come inside .
Let me add here that this restaurant has its parcel counter quite separate from the main dining area. But she was not allowed to even enter that privileged area , let alone sit or eat there.
I felt so helpless.
Hate myself for being a silent spectator to the murder of dignity that was her right as a human being ...
Now as I write I am sure I could have raised my voice
I could have cancelled my order protesting against the discrimination .

But I just took the parcel when it came and walked away ... away from that  pathetically wet and hungry dark woman , for whose breakfast I had so benevolently paid.
My duty was done .
My conscience was clear ........ !!!!